Do Not Be Afraid! I Am With You!

Hello everyone!

Merry almost-Christmas! I hope you have had a good month, and that your preparations to welcome the baby Jesus at Christmas have been blesesd. The words that have been coming to me as I pray in these days are somewhat of a contradiction: "Behold the IMMENSITY of His smallness….” In making Himself so small, He shows us the immensity of His Love!

So much has happened in this past month, I don’t even know where to begin! Pure Heart had a silent retreat, we celebrated Thanksgiving (the first time for most of the Filipinos!), and we got our first office space (we are growing!). I have begun to learn the local dialect, Bisaya (with very minimal success I might add!). We had a mission in the mountains at a high school, and many missions here in the city. I’ve begun to teach English in a small village in the mountains - my kids are the best! - and to work with a group of sisters to serve kids who live in the streets. There’s much to be done, but I’m constantly reminded that it’s not about what we do, or how much we do, but about the amount of love we put in to the doing. For as St. Paul says: “If I speak all the tongues of men, and understand all mysteries, and give away all I have, but have not love, I gain nothing.” We all have the capacity and the call to do the little we are able with great love.

Looking for Signs of His Love:

As we go through Advent and hear all the readings from the Bible that the Church offers us, one refrain has really struck me. Almost every single day of the Advent season, at least one of the readings has the words, “Do not be afraid!” It almost always has an exclamation point, as if it is a cry, a plea. And it’s almost always followed by another phrase: “I am with you.”

What is our greatest cause for fear? Feeling like we are alone, that no one is there, that no one really cares, that no one really knows me, and if they did they wouldn’t love me. What is our cause to be NOT afraid?: “I am with you!” These are the words the Lord offers us to console us: “Do not be afraid! I am with you!” This is the joy of the message of Christmas: "You are not alone! You are not abandoned! I have heard all of your groanings, I know all of your pain. And I am with you!" When we see that tiny baby in the manger, we see the fulfillment of our deepest yearnings and desires. The Almighty God has leapt down from heaven to be with us in our weakness and lowliness! What a sign of His Love!

Sometimes we might think it is difficult to find signs of God’s Love. That may be true. We need to become accustomed to looking for those signs, or we can easily miss them! Some are so obvious - the gift of our life, our family, our friends, or talents and skills, the air, food, the gift of sight, etc etc - that we almost always completely overlook them. God shows us His Love in other ways too…

For example, when I arrived here in the Philippines, we immediately went out to lunch. I had to use the restroom, and when I went in I realized their was no toilet paper…..uh oh. Not good. Luckily, (Providentially!) there was a man cleaning the bathroom, so I asked him if he had any toilet paper. He pointed at a dispenser on the wall, and said, “5 pesos.” Ok, great, you can buy it. Unfortunately, I didn’t have 5 pesos. I opened my wallet in desperation, sure that I didn’t have the coin that I needed. There were a bunch of bills there, but no coins. I reached in anyway, just in case and…..I felt metal! A coin! Probably an American penny….I pulled it out…It was a 5 peso coin! I had forgotten that I put in their when I was in the Philippines 8 months ago on a short mission trip!! Somehow it had managed to stay shoved in some corner of my wallet, out of sight, until this moment! Right then and there in that bathroom, I knew this was a sign of God’s Love, and trust me, I gave thanks!

Also, a few weeks ago, I had one of those ”what-the-heck-am-I-doing-here-I-can’t-believe-I-just-left-everyone-and-everything-behind-and-moved-across-the-world” moments. I started to feel really alone, sad, and depressed. I was going to go pray in the chapel and offer this to the Lord, so I left my room. As I did, another guy came down the hall. He was a new guest here at the Brothers of St. John (I had been the only guest up until this point), and I hadn’t met him yet. He introduced himself - John from Manila - and we got to talking. Within moments, we realized that we had several mutual friends in the US, that we had both gone to the same university, and that we had actually met in New Jersey 2 years ago!! I was so taken aback by the whole thing, I was completely drawn out of my depression and isolation, and brought to a totally new place: a place of hope, of gratitude, of sensing God’s Love and His presence with me, and His immense goodness in my life. He sent John to me right at that moment to remind me: “Do not be afraid! I am with you!”

Let us remember this Christmas to seek out those signs of God’s Love. They are abundant, especially this time of year. And in those days when we can’t seem to find any, let us remember that little baby in the manger…

Surprised by Goodness:

As I said earlier, Pure Heart got our first office. It’s actually in a mission house run by a group of sisters who serve kids that live on the streets. The kids come three days a week to eat, bathe, wash their clothes, and receive classes, since none of them are in school. I’ve gotten the chance to know a bunch of the kids, and I’ve really fallen in love with them.

I was surprised to find out that almost all of them have parents. But due to problems at home, they’ve run away and formed a group of kids that live together under a bridge and fend for themselves. Last Friday we worked with the sisters to pack a bunch of food to give to the families of these kids. This is an annual event, and most of the kids haven’t been home since the sisters did this last year. So, we rounded up the kids, who were SO excited to go with us in our cars, and they directed us to their family’s houses. The whole way they were singing Christmas songs and even performing Christmas raps that they had written themselves!

When we visited the families of the kids, the reactions varied greatly. Some were very happy to see their children, and others seemed indifferent. Although we tried to convince the kids to stay with their families for Christmas, most of them left with us, not wanting to be there for more than a few minutes.

One of the kids, Noel surprised me. To look at him, you would probably think he was a trouble-maker, a druggy, and whatever else kids who live on the street do. And maybe he is. But he began to ask me what different words mean in English. You might expect him to be curious about several 4-letter words that I will not write here. But no. This is what he asked: What does “faithfulness” mean in Bisaya? What does “righteousness” mean? What does “gentleness” mean? What does “self-control” mean?

I was so surprised by these words. I asked him where he learned them. “From the Bible,” he said. Noel doesn’t really speak English. He must have come across an English Bible somewhere, and as he tried to decipher it, for whatever reason these words stuck out to him. And he took the time to memorize them, and keep them in his mind, until he met someone he could ask! What an amazing thing! I don’t know what drove him to do this, but I was taken so taken aback. Surprised by goodness…..as I am almost constantly here.

Noel didn’t want to stay at his home - a tiny shack up in the mountains. He left with us, and told us to drop him off in some random parking lot. As he got out and ran across a major highway, to God-only-knows where, my heart hurt so much for him. But in some ways, I don’t worry for him. I know that he is good, and that those words are for him too: “I am with you.”

Waiting in the Dark:

A huge tradition here before Christmas is called Misa de Gallo. For 9 days leading up to Christmas, there is a Mass at 4:30am in all the churches as a way to prepare and offer an intention to the Lord. And TONS of people go (as seen in the picture here).

The first 2 days of Misa de Gallo, I had to prepare the music, so I got up at 3:30am. As I sat there during Mass, I did not feel at all happy. I was grumpy, and not looking forward to doing this for 9 whole days!

On the third day, I was sitting there before Mass, in the dark church, lit only by a few candles, feeling tired and wishing I was back in bed. And then it hit me. We are here in the dark, waiting for God. As the prophets waited for thousands of years, proclaiming the coming of the Messiah. As Mary and Joseph waited in the dark for the coming of their Son. And I realized: this is extremely beautiful. All of these people are tired. Many of them trekked through the mud to get here. But here we are together, waiting….

The tiredness remained, but my attitude completely changed. Despite the discomfort, I desired to be there. I was actually very happy to be there. And for the next 6 days, although it was difficult to get up each time, I was happy to do it. As a volunteer here from the US Marine Corps said to me the other day (in regards to his training): “We don’t have control over a lot of things. But we always have control over our attitude.” Often, in the midst of struggle or hardship, we need to remember that our circumstances do NOT define us nor control us. We have the ability to CHOOSE

how we will respond. Will we allow tiredness to discomfort or discouragement or trial to drag us down? Or will we find the good in each situation, and see it is an opportunity to grow in faith, in trust, in virtue, in strength, in perseverance? Many times all we need is that change in perspective, and our disposition totally changes. We are set free.

Starting the New Year Anew:

Here we are, at the end of one year, and the beginning of another. Let us start this New Year with a renewed determination. Not necessarily to lose weight, or to save more money, but to remember and live by those words: "Do not be afraid! I am with you!" How would you live differently if you truly believed those words? What would change? Whatever it is that you would do differently, well.......do that! Don't give in to your fears. When you feel them welling up inside you, stop, and remind yourself, and say: "No. I choose to reject this fear, this lie. I choose to live in the truth. I am not alone. God is with me." And move on, walking in trust and confidence and peace, doing the little things you can with great love. If you do this, I promise that 2018 will be better than 2017!

May God be with you and your family this Christmas in the IMMENSITY of His smallness,

Eric

Prayer Intentions: Please pray for the Pure Heart missionaries as they renew their commitments in January to serve for another year! Also, pray for us as we work on many projects to expand and reach more young people. Pray for the kids in our boys youth group and girls youth group. Pray for the kids in my English class. And pray for the kids who live on the streets. Thank you!! You are in my prayers!